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This quote appeared in my mailbox this morning and struck me like a bolt of lightning.

And I look back to the first 5 years after my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, I’m aware that I was fighting so very hard to “get well” and retain the possibility of my anticipated retirement.  Life long I had expected to be able to dance and play tennis well into my 80s, following the model of my Mom.  Now, after 8 years more, I look back and realize that I have slowly been letting go of the life I had planned for myself. Without regrets.  At the same slow pace, I have been able to begin to recraft and find joy in the life that is mine now.

There is hope for the slow learners.

Last night, I took time to go exploring–with people– at a local retirement village.  I want to continue doing what I love, despite current mobility issues, and I want to be around people who are also still in love with life’s journey. So how to figure out what “new home” will best meet my needs? As a fairly strong introvert, moving out and talking to folks at party type affairs is not what I usually do.

I had a fabulous time!

I really should give myself the “people prescription” more often and jump into the fray.  Being with older folks, even older than I, still vibrant and loving their lives, was a real “boost.”  I invite all who are on the “do what you love” journey. “Don’t be shy.” No matter your age, talk to folks who seem to have figured things out, who have made significant changes successfully, who continue to be curious and to learn.  The next steps are not always found in the books, nor even in the richness of your own thinking, nor in guidance of the teacher in front of the class.  The unexpected serendipity of a model, a remark, an idea, an experience, a reference from another person, can not only forward your journey, but expand your thinking about new possibilities.

Yes, I took time to move out of my comfort zone and go to a big party. Not only do I want to keep doing what I love, I want to be among those who are on the same path.  Check out my report!

I looked at the date of the last post and it’s more than a month since I’ve written.  So much for my intention to post weekly (at least I promised “more or less” weekly).  Today, I’m apologizing to myself and to readers.  And, probably more important, I’m honoring my flow.  I don’t say this to excuse myself. I don’t say this to let myself off the hook, or to suggest that we can let ourselves off the hook of our intentions each time we do not live up to our announced expectations for ourselves.

After all, any goal, including the goal to do more of what we love, is important enough for all of us to stay on our path.  And we do need to check in to see that we are still on track.  Any goal involves articulating intentions, making plans, and being accountable.

I do intend to stay on the path of regular blogging. I really enjoy it.  And I intend to slow it down, at least for now…when some health issues have unexpectedly come to visit and stayed longer than I wanted.  I also intend not to feel guilty that I haven’t kept up the pace.  I intend to put priority on slowing down for as long as I need to.

Actually my obsessive need to keep up the pace, no matter what else is going on in my life, has not been that good for my health over the years. It’s a pattern of putting myself under pressure I don’t need, when a faster pace doesn’t really matter. So, I’m publicly adjusting the pace.  The pace will now include honoring the flow of my life and energy, without giving up my initial intentions to engage in an activity that I enjoy–when I get inspired to do so.

Are you able to give yourself a break and slow down your life when you need to?  For me, it’s nice to finally be able to say “yes” to that one.

Didn’t they always say that the turtle can win the race as well?

A few days ago, some people I  had not previously met came to visit my housemate. They saw Why Not? sitting on the desk. Immediately grabbing the copy, the gentleman said, “This is exactly what I have been looking for.  And you’ve got these all over the house!   How could this be?”  We had a short exchange about how he was led to our home that day, and the way that questions deeply held in psyche seem to have a way of getting answered in the process of wandering around–– as long as one pays attention.  He left later,  having purchased the book and vowing to use it as his next prompt for questions and answers.

Taking time to pose the questions that are next for you to answer in life can take the form of worrying, or frantic searching, or clarifying and honoring your own deep questions. My practice recommends the latter. Deeply providing space for your own questions creates a  productive energetic that is actually capable of attracting answers––in often unanticipated ways, as experienced by the serendipitous guest who showed up at my home. Take time for yourself. Take time to honor your needs. Take time to appreciate the particular stage of life you are leaving and the one you are entering. Perhaps in solitude. Perhaps with a very good friend.  Perhaps even with the Why Not? book, which is a very gentle companion designed to prompt your reflection.

Buy it HERE, let it be your guide,  and encourage your 50-something friends to stop by.

I can’t express how much it mattered the other day when the visitor to  my home shared how excited he was about buying his copy of  ”Why Not?”. My tome had reached yet another person who was ready and eager to  entertain its questions and illustrations.  Through this visitor’s excitement and appreciation, I was able to notice, yet once again,  that what I cared about and contributed had  mattered.  It made my day.

When you  give your gifts, simply because you have to, because it is yours to do, and they land in the lap  of someone who is really ready and eager to  receive them and make use of them, it is a very special moment.  Not only  is it one of the moments that makes life worth living. It’s one of  those moments that we really need to notice––each of us.   Because it’s a clue to each of us who aspires to live in flow doing our thing, the thing that we love, the thing that we do  better and more uniquely than others.  In these moments, we get to experience that our gifts really are useful in the scheme of things.  And if we really take time to  receive the moment,  it leads to a deeper awareness and self appreciation and awareness of what our own gifts really are.

Pay attention to these moments. Savor them. They happen more often than we acknowledge.  They are either affirmations of what you already know about yourself, or reminders of  what you may have forgotten, or clues to what you are seeking to discover.

And Yes!  Do buy the book.

What do you do when you get discouraged?  Or mildly depressed? Or seem to lose energy and desire for the things you have always done easily?  When you find yourself avoiding easy next step tasks?  I’ve just been through a period like that. And while I am definitely no doctor nor therapist, I believe even the healthy high performers  go into a “dip” or a “funk” on occasion.  What to do?   The serendipity all of this was the fact that my “dip” coincided with that of a friend.  Which can be wonderfully illuminating as you begin to focus more attention on the reality of it  and strategize how to dance through it.

Here are a few thoughts for any who might find themselves in that situation:

1A.  What’s going on?  What’s the reason I don’t want to do x, y, z?  Make a huge list, include everything that pops into your mind. Let them  percolate.  Making the list lets your body know, that you really do seek an answer and one will eventually emerge as resonating with truth.  My friend and I, hard working types, usually don’t stop to ask what’s going on and we try to power through.  Yet, finding the real energy stopper, allows you to deal with the real issue, which often, once identified, only takes moments, and provides incredible relief.

1B.  Deal with the possibility of that imagined undesireable result. For her, she was fearful that doing her list of tasks would result in a situation that she didn’t want.  Good reason!  That allows her to ponder how to alleviate what she was worried about,  anticipate the undesireable and make preparations to handle it.  All of a sudden, her list became doable, even with some enthusiasm.

2. Another strategy is to check yourself out medically or with an alternative practitioner.  In my particular case, I found that I was missing something in my brain chemistry, and a few proscribed supplements were able to right my customary emotional balance rather quickly.

3. A third strategy is to really inquire about, and honor, what else  is going on in your life.  In my friend’s case, a colleague had recently received a serious diagnosis, her partner’s new boss was making things difficult and painful at work as opposed to the many joyful years he had enjoyed at the office, her mom had just passed, and many of her own work contracts (income) had been put on hold due to mergers occurring in client organizations.  Let’s be honest.  Through no fault of her own, she was suffering a huge number of losses, with the attendant need to grieve and pick up the pieces of her life.  This happens to all of us…not usually all at once…but it happens.  To think there is no impact on one’s energy is simply ignoring the reality of being human. Love yourself through this.  Give yourself space and permission to do less. Deal actively with what you have lost in terms of acknowledgment and grief.

4.  A fourth strategy is to seek help.  Actually when we are in the midst of stuff, it’s hard to see what is going on. Often an objective outsider  in a session or two, can help you make sense of what’s going on right now.  That knowledge is usually a tremendous relief.

Certainly this list is not exhaustive.  Many, many more ideas can be found on Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project website and blog, talking with friends, and spending time in conversation with yourself.  I encourage you to explore the strategies that exist, and invent your own. Doing what you love, is not all wine and roses, and it is worth moving beyond whatever blocks and barriers appear.  Discouragement is part of life.  Dance with it and see if the music changes.

” ‘It’s impossible’, said Pride.  ’It’s risky’, said Experience.  ’It’s pointless’, said Reason. ‘Give it a try’, whispered the Heart’. ”  ~Unknown

Sometimes something comes to you to which nothing needs to be added. In this case this quote appeared in my inbox, from a friend, who found it on Facebook, and posted it to his blog.  Thank you, Tom.  I’m listening, and invite any readers struggling whether to do more of what they love, to do so also.

I was inspired recently by a young man (23) who was sharing with me his career choices and the conversation migrated into the career choices of his family members.  Being very hands-on mechanically gifted, he himself  chose the family business–plumbing, but he also certified himself in other trades.  His father’s passion was art (his hobby taking apart cars and and putting them back together), but he engaged the mechanical gifts of his avocation  in order to support the family and started a plumbing business upon marriage. (According to the son, his father is the best plumber he ever worked with and before joining the business, he worked with many.)  His mother is an ice hockey fanatic still playing at 52, competing and coaching as an avocation, and she sparked and nurtured the love of hockey in all her children.   “We’re all so different,” said Eric. His younger  brother (21) is a “genius in computers, creating websites for stars in the music industry, and matters of the mind–his passions being opera and philosophy, but he doesn’t know how to check his tires for air. We both disappointed our parents by not choosing college.”

Another younger brother  (18) is into music–but a different kind than what we are most familiar with.  ”I personally don’t get it,”  he added.

An older sister is an esthetician, who is now planning to go  to  school for funeral work.  I forget what the other sister has chosen.

What struck me was that without naming themselves as such, they probably qualify as a “do what you love family”. Everyone doing something different. Inspired and united by their parent’s choices, these independent young people are equally supported in following their own paths, in some cases, rather quirky paths.

I suggest in the Why Not book (Chapter 8) that one’s heritage and models in life probably influence our career path choices more than we are aware, for good or for ill.  And that it would be good to take a look at your influences.  Given this just encountered  powerful example of a supportive environment in which to grow up, I am compelled to reinforce my suggestion for those wanting to make changes to really review the influences of their past.

Is your heritage for doing what you love one that supports exercising courage, heart, risk, experimentation?

Or, is your heritage one that was dominated by fear, necessity for security, or punishment for straying from the parental advice?

Any heritage can be unthinkingly followed, unthinkingly rebelled against, or thoughtfully reviewed and utilized to illuminate your present behaviors in relation to opportunities .  If your heritage is less supportive of your dreams, how can you find the support you need for the ideas you have?  Or, how can you borrow someone else’s model and use it for your own?

Today, I took time to look at an online subscription I had requested from Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project.  The daily missives had been filling my mailbox for months, and I had filed them. I took the time to read the most recent, which, like all the others, is full of many links to past blogs, interesting ideas, short and wise videos she has created like, The Secrets to Adulthood. She clearly has fun collecting and creating what makes life work and what makes her happy, for the inspiration of the rest of us. I enjoyed meandering and wandering, selecting link after link until I got to one of her favorite bloggers,  a dental practice manager.  I initially thought:  “This is an unexpected link!”

But what struck me about this blogger is how she has seemed to combine, in an unusual way, her technical skill in dental hygiene, her obvious passion for leadership and team building, and her apparent love of writing.  She’s a model for members of our “why not? crowd” who are often stymied by the question,  “I like to do  x, y, and z.  How can I possibly make a meaningful living from them?

Well, she apparently figured it out.  Dental hygiene, which would have been enough for many as “the career”, was for her only “the context.” In this context she could exercise her love of creating a customer-oriented office culture in which everyone could grow and improve and appreciate the contributions of others, as well as her interests in sharing her experiences with the wider world.

Kudos to her!  And thanks for the inspiration it gives to the rest of us to identify, honor, experiment with, and exercise, our unique combinations of skills, interests and passions in a “context” of our choosing.  The possibilities, therefore,  are endless.

P.S. Don’t forget to stop and “take time” to wander a bit.  You might be surprised at what you find!

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart.  And try to love the questions themselves.         ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Questions can be the first step in creating momentum to move.  Let’s try one. “How are you feeling about your life?”   On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the low and not so good, and 10 being high, joyful  and satisfied, put a number on it.  Or, be more specific.  Ask the same question about each area of your life––your relationship(s), how you use your time, your family life, your spiritual life, your financial life, and of course, your work life.  My friend Matthew Goldfarb of Corporate Renegade, left his work as a advertising copywriter to go out on his own, because his brilliant ideas and gifts were being ignored by his company and he was tired of being bummed out about it.  He posed another question to himself “Are you going to rob the world of your gifts because an organization says you aren’t valuable?” He then answered himself with a resounding “no.”

At some point the truth needs to be admitted, and the courage needs to be found to respond to that truth.  Obviously it does not pay to be “stupid” in the process of planning a response.  There is a strategic path from salaried employee to solo entrepreneur that can involve doing both the current “job” while experimenting with the new work.  This is the period of long days.  And there is a strategic path from being a salaried employee doing what you don’t like with people you don’t respect, to being a salaried employee in a different set of circumstances.  And, there are ways to begin to like the job you have by choosing the attitudes which make that possible.  However you choose to respond to how you feel,  the important things to note are:

1. Many, many people have made the exact changes to which you aspire and are living more satisfying and rewarding lives.
2. Many of those people are also willing to show the way and tell their stories without “air brushing” out their mistakes and lessons.
3. Any process of change invites recognizable emotional stages associated with leaving one activity or circumstance behind to begin another. In other words, expect discouragement and confusion along the way.  It’s part of the journey.
4. Finally, before you attempt too much too fast, recognize that an equal act of courage may be to begin on a small scale, seriously honoring your needs, doing more of what you like, with people you like to be with.

Start by asking yourself the question:  “How are you feeling about your life?”  And if your answers tend to be on the numerical low end, perhaps it’s time to start thinking about, exploring, and finding support for a change.