Archive for the ‘Martha’s journey’ Category

Today, January 24th, is my birthday. I’m 72.  And I’m reflecting. And feeling good. The book, the website of which you are visiting, was published on my birthday exactly 2 years ago.  It has been a wonderful journey playing with and sharing these ideas––at a pace my health and energy accommodates.  Just last week, I gave a 2- hour program to a group of people exploring their lives through this lens of these questions.

• What do I love?
• What am I good at?
• How can I engage my courage to claim it, own it, and offer it to the world?

I felt affirmed and proud when one of the participants used the word “nourishing”  to describe the session. It reminded me of Scottish theologian William Barclay’s  thought which has been resonating deeply with me of late:

“There are two great days in a person’s life––the day we are born and the day we discover why.”

I am not sure that the experience of actually knowing why we are here and what we are meant to be doing is limited to just one day.  But that’s certainly how I felt at that program.  And that’s how I feel whenever I share the ideas in the book, as a coach or presenter, with those who seem to soak them up like sponges and put them to use in their lives.

When you are doing what you love, and it matters to another, it is the best feeling in the world. I wish it for everyone.  Apparently, that’s why I’m here!

Check out the book!

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and clear, and with a resolution that expressed itself from deep in my bones.  In 2012, I want to Be Me, and Do Me.  I am the best resource I have. It is my personality, even my quirks, my likes and dislikes, gifts, talents and skills that I want to use and enjoy throughout my life.   And I want to pass this resolution on to you for your consideration.

Now, what on earth prompted the surfacing of this particular idea on this first day of 2012?

Last night, I was enjoying my typical New Year’s Eve hibernation–– honoring in my own way the potency of the annual transition.  And I got reacquainted with Barbara Sher.  Years ago, at 40, I was fascinated with, and utilized considerably,  her wonderful book Wishcraft, originally published in 1979.  My own career choices then shifted, and I lost track of this wonderful thinker and author.  But last night, she entered my life once again via her 2006 book, Refuse to Choose!  Use all of your Interests, Passions and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of your Dreams.

In it, she identifies a subset of the population she calls “scanners”  who deeply wish to find a passion and create a career out of it, but who have so many passions, they get stuck with the choosing.  They get stuck with the starting and they get stuck with the finishing, as boredom sets in and their interests shift.  And then they dump on themselves. After all, aren’t most people supposed to choose one thing they really love and go for it?  That seems to be prevailing wisdom.  Barbara sees it differently.

These “scanners”, and she includes herself as one,  are smart, talented, dedicated, committed, and intense about pursuing all the things that intrigue them.  Perhaps you are one of those people.  In her book, Sher acknowledges that you who may be “scanners’ are different and gives you complete permission to be so.  She presents a few tools to manage yourself in the process, and encourages you not to accept society’s judgments of yourself as “flake” or “dilettante”.  Being yourself as a person with a never ending list of legitimate passions can work well, with a good dose of self understanding, acceptance and special strategies.

Barbara Sher paints a picture and provides a perspective and management tools that I hadn’t fully grasped in my own “why not do what you love” world, and I am delighted to a) see it more clearly for myself, b) be able to recognize and honor the characteristics in those I will meet, and c)  be able to recommend the strategies to those readers who are finding themselves discouraged with their inability to choose.

If you are one who finds yourself being judged badly for the downside that accompanies having a breadth of interests and talents, or, if you get bored easily and need to move on to new challenges, or, if you have become discouraged with your own process, there is hope. And there is a strategy available just for you.   According to Barbara Sher, you can have it all.

What a great way to start off 2012, with a commitment to being who you are and doing what you love, with a little more awareness of how you might actually do more of it than you thought you could.  Hurrah for just another uniqueness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Thanks to a student in one of my Why Not Do What You Love classes, I was introduced to an online production of “Failure Club. ” In a wonderfully counter intuitive way, this series of videos tracks the real experiences of a group of New Yorkers who had dreams, who became willing to pursue those dreams, during a year of committed club membership. Because failure was no longer a risk, any and all attempts to get working on a personal dream are obviously encouraged, whether they are successful or not.    For members of the Failure Club, failure is seen as likely, particularly when tackling something new, something scary, something you are invested in.  Failure is to be applauded because you did something. If you don’t encounter failure, you probably didn’t shoot high enough or think big enough.   Failure is only another stepping stone to learning from your mistakes, continuing to engage, have fun,  try things out with the support of group members, each of whom is doing the same thing. In the Failure Club, one of the major stoppers to doing something you’ve always wanted to do, that being fear of failure, is completely obliterated by design.

Whatever framing it takes to enable us to get moving to do more of what we love, is ok by me. Congratulations to the founders of the Failure Club for their unique form of “inspiration” and support.  Check it out.

It was that title question of a 2009 book by Jay Niblick that caught my attention, so much so that  I’ll likely be sharing nuggets from it in future posts.  Such an important question.  Based on an equally important assumption that  we, every one of us, have genius in us!   I totally agree.

My book, the blog site of which you are visiting, promotes that premise, among others. Why Not Do What You Love exists to illustrate and encourage acceptance of three beliefs to which I am committed, and hope that you, too, will accept them as a starting place for your own path to being “a genius” in action.

1. First, everyone, and I do mean everyone, has gifts. Jay Niblick happens to call it “genius”.
2. Second, we are more satisfied and fulfilled when we use those gifts, our genius, in our volunteer or paid work.  It is a contribution to ourselves and to those around us.
3. Third, any of our gifts has the possibility of magnetizing an income stream, with a little bit of commitment, persistence and courage.

The difficulty for so many folks with whom I talk, even those coming to the end of long and successful careers, is that they are not only confused and uncertain about accepting that they contain this “genius”, they have difficulty discerning how to name the very strengths at which they super excel, so as to be more conscious in crafting their lives around them.

I must own up to that difficulty myself.  Although I can easily see the gifts of others, it has not always been easy to see my own.  Part of the problem is that the things I am best at are not necessarily named in any career manual. Another part of the problem is that the things I am best at are so much a part of me that I either don’t see them, or I just take them for granted.  I and most others like me,  do not deem them worthy of note.  ”It’s easy for me,” we might say, “doesn’t every one do that?”  Well, that particular trait is NOT necessarily easy for others, and therefore they probably don’t do it–at least not as well as we do.  Thus, it takes a bit of confidence and courage to look at your life afresh and to creatively express in words, “how you do you” in ways that illuminates your “genius.”

Recently, a veil of confusion has lifted for me on this issue and I’m going to public my list–-here and now.  I’ve been clear about several of my strengths for a long time, and yet there are others which I am finally ready to acknowledge.  Each has been enthusiastically confirmed by people who know me, so I’m not operating totally in the dark here.  For example:

• I’m good at believing in others, more than they believe in themselves.
• I’m good at helping people discover the hidden elements of how they get in their own way, and inviting them to do something about it. 
• I’m good at clearly seeing the out-of-box possibilities and intuitively connecting dots.
• I’m particularly able to receive,  honor, and guide those “intuitives” and pioneers who have always thought differently about things and who are trying to create a path for themselves.  Read the rest of this entry »

This quote appeared in my mailbox this morning and struck me like a bolt of lightning.

And I look back to the first 5 years after my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, I’m aware that I was fighting so very hard to “get well” and retain the possibility of my anticipated retirement.  Life long I had expected to be able to dance and play tennis well into my 80s, following the model of my Mom.  Now, after 8 years more, I look back and realize that I have slowly been letting go of the life I had planned for myself. Without regrets.  At the same slow pace, I have been able to begin to recraft and find joy in the life that is mine now.

There is hope for the slow learners.

Last night, I took time to go exploring–with people– at a local retirement village.  I want to continue doing what I love, despite current mobility issues, and I want to be around people who are also still in love with life’s journey. So how to figure out what “new home” will best meet my needs? As a fairly strong introvert, moving out and talking to folks at party type affairs is not what I usually do.

I had a fabulous time!

I really should give myself the “people prescription” more often and jump into the fray.  Being with older folks, even older than I, still vibrant and loving their lives, was a real “boost.”  I invite all who are on the “do what you love” journey. “Don’t be shy.” No matter your age, talk to folks who seem to have figured things out, who have made significant changes successfully, who continue to be curious and to learn.  The next steps are not always found in the books, nor even in the richness of your own thinking, nor in guidance of the teacher in front of the class.  The unexpected serendipity of a model, a remark, an idea, an experience, a reference from another person, can not only forward your journey, but expand your thinking about new possibilities.

Yes, I took time to move out of my comfort zone and go to a big party. Not only do I want to keep doing what I love, I want to be among those who are on the same path.  Check out my report!

I looked at the date of the last post and it’s more than a month since I’ve written.  So much for my intention to post weekly (at least I promised “more or less” weekly).  Today, I’m apologizing to myself and to readers.  And, probably more important, I’m honoring my flow.  I don’t say this to excuse myself. I don’t say this to let myself off the hook, or to suggest that we can let ourselves off the hook of our intentions each time we do not live up to our announced expectations for ourselves.

After all, any goal, including the goal to do more of what we love, is important enough for all of us to stay on our path.  And we do need to check in to see that we are still on track.  Any goal involves articulating intentions, making plans, and being accountable.

I do intend to stay on the path of regular blogging. I really enjoy it.  And I intend to slow it down, at least for now…when some health issues have unexpectedly come to visit and stayed longer than I wanted.  I also intend not to feel guilty that I haven’t kept up the pace.  I intend to put priority on slowing down for as long as I need to.

Actually my obsessive need to keep up the pace, no matter what else is going on in my life, has not been that good for my health over the years. It’s a pattern of putting myself under pressure I don’t need, when a faster pace doesn’t really matter. So, I’m publicly adjusting the pace.  The pace will now include honoring the flow of my life and energy, without giving up my initial intentions to engage in an activity that I enjoy–when I get inspired to do so.

Are you able to give yourself a break and slow down your life when you need to?  For me, it’s nice to finally be able to say “yes” to that one.

Didn’t they always say that the turtle can win the race as well?

A few days ago, some people I  had not previously met came to visit my housemate. They saw Why Not? sitting on the desk. Immediately grabbing the copy, the gentleman said, “This is exactly what I have been looking for.  And you’ve got these all over the house!   How could this be?”  We had a short exchange about how he was led to our home that day, and the way that questions deeply held in psyche seem to have a way of getting answered in the process of wandering around–– as long as one pays attention.  He left later,  having purchased the book and vowing to use it as his next prompt for questions and answers.

Taking time to pose the questions that are next for you to answer in life can take the form of worrying, or frantic searching, or clarifying and honoring your own deep questions. My practice recommends the latter. Deeply providing space for your own questions creates a  productive energetic that is actually capable of attracting answers––in often unanticipated ways, as experienced by the serendipitous guest who showed up at my home. Take time for yourself. Take time to honor your needs. Take time to appreciate the particular stage of life you are leaving and the one you are entering. Perhaps in solitude. Perhaps with a very good friend.  Perhaps even with the Why Not? book, which is a very gentle companion designed to prompt your reflection.

Buy it HERE, let it be your guide,  and encourage your 50-something friends to stop by.

I can’t express how much it mattered the other day when the visitor to  my home shared how excited he was about buying his copy of  ”Why Not?”. My tome had reached yet another person who was ready and eager to  entertain its questions and illustrations.  Through this visitor’s excitement and appreciation, I was able to notice, yet once again,  that what I cared about and contributed had  mattered.  It made my day.

When you  give your gifts, simply because you have to, because it is yours to do, and they land in the lap  of someone who is really ready and eager to  receive them and make use of them, it is a very special moment.  Not only  is it one of the moments that makes life worth living. It’s one of  those moments that we really need to notice––each of us.   Because it’s a clue to each of us who aspires to live in flow doing our thing, the thing that we love, the thing that we do  better and more uniquely than others.  In these moments, we get to experience that our gifts really are useful in the scheme of things.  And if we really take time to  receive the moment,  it leads to a deeper awareness and self appreciation and awareness of what our own gifts really are.

Pay attention to these moments. Savor them. They happen more often than we acknowledge.  They are either affirmations of what you already know about yourself, or reminders of  what you may have forgotten, or clues to what you are seeking to discover.

And Yes!  Do buy the book.

What do you do when you get discouraged?  Or mildly depressed? Or seem to lose energy and desire for the things you have always done easily?  When you find yourself avoiding easy next step tasks?  I’ve just been through a period like that. And while I am definitely no doctor nor therapist, I believe even the healthy high performers  go into a “dip” or a “funk” on occasion.  What to do?   The serendipity all of this was the fact that my “dip” coincided with that of a friend.  Which can be wonderfully illuminating as you begin to focus more attention on the reality of it  and strategize how to dance through it.

Here are a few thoughts for any who might find themselves in that situation:

1A.  What’s going on?  What’s the reason I don’t want to do x, y, z?  Make a huge list, include everything that pops into your mind. Let them  percolate.  Making the list lets your body know, that you really do seek an answer and one will eventually emerge as resonating with truth.  My friend and I, hard working types, usually don’t stop to ask what’s going on and we try to power through.  Yet, finding the real energy stopper, allows you to deal with the real issue, which often, once identified, only takes moments, and provides incredible relief.

1B.  Deal with the possibility of that imagined undesireable result. For her, she was fearful that doing her list of tasks would result in a situation that she didn’t want.  Good reason!  That allows her to ponder how to alleviate what she was worried about,  anticipate the undesireable and make preparations to handle it.  All of a sudden, her list became doable, even with some enthusiasm.

2. Another strategy is to check yourself out medically or with an alternative practitioner.  In my particular case, I found that I was missing something in my brain chemistry, and a few proscribed supplements were able to right my customary emotional balance rather quickly.

3. A third strategy is to really inquire about, and honor, what else  is going on in your life.  In my friend’s case, a colleague had recently received a serious diagnosis, her partner’s new boss was making things difficult and painful at work as opposed to the many joyful years he had enjoyed at the office, her mom had just passed, and many of her own work contracts (income) had been put on hold due to mergers occurring in client organizations.  Let’s be honest.  Through no fault of her own, she was suffering a huge number of losses, with the attendant need to grieve and pick up the pieces of her life.  This happens to all of us…not usually all at once…but it happens.  To think there is no impact on one’s energy is simply ignoring the reality of being human. Love yourself through this.  Give yourself space and permission to do less. Deal actively with what you have lost in terms of acknowledgment and grief.

4.  A fourth strategy is to seek help.  Actually when we are in the midst of stuff, it’s hard to see what is going on. Often an objective outsider  in a session or two, can help you make sense of what’s going on right now.  That knowledge is usually a tremendous relief.

Certainly this list is not exhaustive.  Many, many more ideas can be found on Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project website and blog, talking with friends, and spending time in conversation with yourself.  I encourage you to explore the strategies that exist, and invent your own. Doing what you love, is not all wine and roses, and it is worth moving beyond whatever blocks and barriers appear.  Discouragement is part of life.  Dance with it and see if the music changes.